Dorptoons - Enneths Unite
Enneth was dumping baked beans into his shoes inside of Parlor Swipple's moldy basement. All was normal, at least as normal as something like that can get. "DORP I WISH I COULD BEET UP THE MEEN FRACKEN WHAP HATS" he screamed. All of a sudden, a portal made of baked beans appeared and a group of lameheads stepped out. "WE ARE THE DERPING ENNETHS" they said. They all looked nearly identical to Enneth except for their hair and eye colors. "IM DERPING KENNETH" said the blue one. "IM BENNETH AND I WANT TO DORPING PEETH" said the red one. "MY NAEMTEH IS LENNETH DERP" said the yellow one. "IM NAEM IS DERPING PENNETH AND I LOVE POOLOR SWIPPEE" said the pink one. Then the purple one, which was the leader, spazzing seizured forward and said "I AM WENNETH AND IM GOING TO BEATTETH UP THE DOPRING KRAKEN WET SQUIDS" Enneth rejoiced over the existence of people as dumb as he was and they all ate baked beans nonstop for forty days and forty nights before declaring themselves 'ready' for battle. "OH PEE KAY HERE IS THE DERPING PLANNETH" Enneth began when they had all bent themselves into shapes resembling tables. "FIRST WE GO DORPETH MCREET AND BLAST PARLEER SWEEPLE MUSK AND THEN THE MEENZ DIE" All the -enneths agreed that this was a 'perfect' plan. They drove HeadX trucks, with the Xes still inside the trucks, down to Pika's house. Then they drove the trucks through the walls, which was surprising considering how weak the HeadX trucks were. But nobody there noticed them. They were busy being immersed in video games. Pika was battling Primal on Pokemon and losing miserably, and Gau and Zephyr were playing Super Smash Bros. and beating the crap out of each other so much that it was hard to tell who was winning. None of them noticed the HeadX trucks that had just broke through the walls. "Uwao, waou!" Zephyr cried as his character was defeated and Gau won. Gau chased his ponytail joyfully and just then noticed the multicolored Enneths. He nudged Pika, who was so startled that she dropped her 3DS and the game card popped out. She groaned, picked it up, and put it back in. Then she turned to Gau, about to complain, but saw the -enneths. So did Primal. "Oh goody." Primal said. "Oh giddy." Pika said. "Yaoh." Gau said. "Waou." Zephyr said. The -enenths forgot how to get out of their trucks so they peed their pants and slammed their head into the doors until they opened. "DORP WE ARE THE ENNETHS DOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRPETH MCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET YOURE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN LIKE A NONBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN" Wenneth shrieked. The frocky whee heads blinked at him. "what" they all said in unison. Penneth got out a Parlor Swipple-headed boombox and started up Parlor Swipple's new song titled I Brokened Up With Enneth And Date Penneth Now. "OH EM GEEEEEEEEEE ENNETHBOB POOPPANTS WAS A SO MEEN SO I BROKEDEN UPPED WITH HIIIIIIIIM AND THEN I CRYED BECAUSE HE HAD BROKEN UP WITH ME DEEEEEEERP BUT THEN I SMOOCHED PENNETH HOTLYYYYYYYYYY AND TURDED ON A BAKED BEEEEEN SO WE GOT MARREEEEEEEED IN A DORPLY MANNOOOOOOOR" As the song ended, the -enneths stared in shock at the fact that the frocky whee heads were still alive. They were merely dying of laughter. Primal Water Spouted the -enneths and they all hit the ground with a 'DORP'. "DONT LOZE BAKED BEENS MENNETHS WE CAN BEET UP THE DERPING FRAKY ONE HOODS" Enneth said. The -enneths stood up. "YOURE DORPING RITE ENNETH IM GLADDETH WE CAEM THROUGH THE BAEKED BEEN PORTIL" Lenneth said. When Gau heard 'portil', which his brain properly translated to 'portal', he got a brilliant idea. He nodded to Zephyr, and Zephyr nodded back. They both used Float and Reflect. "Uwaooooooooooooooooooooo!" they yowled and unleashed Ultima. It reflected off of the Reflects and collided before forming a portal of pure energy. Then, all of a sudden, incredible amounts of Gaus spilled out of the portal, all with different hair and eye colors that didn't match like the -enneths' did. "UWAO!" "SHINY, SHINY!" "FRIEEEND!" "WAOU!" "YAOH!" "GAU!" As the storm of Gaus dashed toward the -enneths, they screamed "OH ENNETH DORP" and tried to flee into their HeadX trucks. However, the Gaus spammed Ultima, Thundaga, Firaga, Blizzaga, Holy, Bio, Flood, Tornado, and Quake while summoning assorted espers. The explosion caused by all those attacks blew the -enneths back to their own dimensions and Enneth into a pot of boiling water where Parlor Swipple then thought he was food and ate him. Pika's house was destroyed, except for her miraculously-unharmed games and consoles. Then she decided to name all the Gaus as they nuzzled her in typical Gau fasion. Primal SCREEd so hard that windows shattered from miles away and the Gaus climbed all over him and started trying to ride him. When he fled to the sea, one of the Gaus was still on his back after the others swam back to land. It is rumored that the Gau is riding him to this day.
The end.
Jun 26, 2021
by
Gau
Escape From D.O.R.P Labs
"DERP" Enneth shrieked as he drove, used in the loosest terms, down the street. His truck was a HeadX truck but with 'D.O.R.P Labs' spray-panted on it, though it was baked bean juice and not paint. Then Enneth spotted Gau, Gill, Pika, and Primal crossing the street. Although Gau was technically in a stroller and being pushed by Gill, who was dressed like an old woman and looked like his dignity was slowly and painfully dying. Why he was dressed like an old woman was unknown. "DORPETH MCREET GAU IS A MEENETH" Enneth screamed and tried to drive into him. However he ran over Gill instead, who was all right because the HeadX truck tires were made of giant inflated Ah Yesses. Gau peeked out of his stoller, pointed, and laughed at Gill. Pika didn't know what was going on and ended up standing directly on Gill's spine. Primal mentally went 'wtf'. Enneth was ten miles away before he said "WAIT A DORPING SECOND I DIDNT HIT GUA" He then made a u-turn back to the spot where everyone still was. Gill was standing out and cussing at Pika as Gau napped peacefully in his stroller. He tried to hit Gau with his truck, but once again sped toward Gill for some reason. "OH ENNETH GEE IM GOING TO DERPING HIT ENNETH" he screamed, mistaking Primal for himself while thinking he was going to hit Primal. He then smashed through the windshield and started punching his truck's headlights while suspended in midair. However the truck ran him over and ran Gill over again. Pika laughed so hard that she wet her pants. Enneth climbed back into the truck and pressed random buttons. This cast a net of baked beans over the frocky whee heads which they couldn't escape from, no matter how much Primal Water Spouted it. Enneth then 'drove' to D.O.R.P Labs, which stood for 'Dorp dOrp doRp dorP', where Parlor Swipple waited. "ENNETH IM BREAKING UP WITH BECAUSE YOU DIDNT DERPING TURD ON MY SPLEEN" she screamed. "OH ENNETH DORP-ORP-ORRRRRRRP" Enneth cried. Twenty break-ups later, Enneth decided to perform his "DORPING HOTLY EVIL" experiments. First, he decided to clone Gau for no reason, ignoring the fact that two Gaus would make the lives of the lameheads that much harder. However, the Gau clone had blond hair and green eyes and sparkled when he first appeared. "ITS A DOERPING SHYNEE" he shrieked. The fact that he knew somewhat what a Shiny was was almost impressive for Enneth. Shiny Gau and regular Gau looked at each other, sniffed the air, then Shiny Gau leapt at Gau. Enneth was joyous when he thought that the Gaus were going to kill each other, but then he realized that the two Gaus were just playing. Indeed, they ran around, tackled each other, yowled, nuzzled each other, and attempted to purr. Enneth cried into a can of baked beans when he realized that two Gaus wasn't going to help him. Meanwhile, Parlor Swipple was trying to make Pika wear what she called a 'been macareen cootie shoe', whatever on Earth that was, and sing her new rap song I Peed On Enneth's Bed So I Broke Up With Him. She had just got done stapling a bikini to Gill, who regained consciousness and tried to punch a hole in the wall. "MY DORPING SONGETH GOES LIKE OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH WHO LIVES IN A PEE HED UNDER THE BEENS ENNETHBOB POOPPANTS WHO DIDNT ADMIRE ME PEEING ON HIS DERPING BED ENNETHBOB POOPPANTS THEN I BROKE UP WITH HIM AND WENT OH EM GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" Gill was in the middle of putting actual clothes on and taking staples out of his shoulders when he heard Parlor Swipple singing and laughed until snot poured from his nose. Pika nearly spat on Parlor Swipple but decided that she was lower than the bacteria in her saliva. Then a loud SCREE was heard. Josh Kool was performing experiments on Primal. "FUC U PRIMA DONNA U FUCHED UR AS DUMM AS FIZZ SO U SHULD DYE!!!!1!!1!!1!!111!one!1!111!" Josh Kool yelled. Just then, the two Gaus, who had easily escaped from Enneth, charged at Josh Kool. "FUC U GAUZ IM A PROFESSONALLY ATTRACTIVE BLOND WOMAN AND LIFE ORB SUKS BCUZ POKEMASTER STOLED MY WEBSITE EVEN THOUGH I STOLING FROM HIZ!!!!!!1!!1111!!one!!!1!!" he shrieked. The Gaus laughed at him and used an epic Thamastriad Ultima, which blew Josh Kool into tiny versions of himself, all with assorted names. "fuc u fucheds" the smallest one squeaked from the floor because he was about half an inch tall. Regular Gau stepped on him as if he was an ant as Primal was released from the tube he had been in. He tried to look at his fins, but realized they were now arms. He felt a sudden, repulsive, disgusting craving for baked beans. He looked at the mirror that Enneth usually examined his derpy face in and saw that he was now a Groudon. He tried to SCREE, but it came out as "DORP" because he was Groudon. He scrambled his baked bean-filled bulk into the tube again, desperate to turn himself back into a Kyogre. The Gaus started hitting buttons on the control panel, and Prinal ended up as a rabbit, a ferret, a random Shiny Aipom, an Enneth, and finally back to a Kyogre again. The Gaus ran around, laughed, and yowled with glee. Then Pika, who looked like she was in pain, and Gill, who looked like he wanted to cause pain, dashed into the room. They both had melted Parlor Swipple albums dripping from them, and the Gaus laughed. Gill was about to punch them because of his intense embarrrassment and anger, but Pika shrieked joyfully and huggled the Gaus. "Let's name the blond one Zephyr!" she yelled despite having no idea why there were two Gaus. But before anyone could make any comments, an army of Enneths in bikinis stormed into the room. "WEVE DOORPED THE DORPS" they screamed and sung songs of praise for Ennethbob Pooppants. Everyone looked at each other in a 'wtf' manner. Primal then SCREEd and Water Spouted the Enneths, who exploded in a burst of baked beans. All of a sudden, a giant cannibalistic space Enneth ate the D.O.R.P Labs but not the frocky whee heads because "THEYRE SOO DERPING MEENETH THAT I CRYED" Gau and Zephyr nuzzled Pika as Primal wondered why the frick they had a button to turn people into Shiny Aipom in D.O.R.P Labs before remembering that it was because lameheads don't make any sense and never shall.
The end.
Jun 26, 2021
by
Gau
